Black Ague
by xXDream
Summary: Kanda was content with following the road of the destroyer. But when Allen fell a victim to a deadly disease, he chose to stray into an unknown path. Till then he never imagined just how far the road of the savior could go… Yullen.
1. Introduction

_Hello and... long time no see. Here's the introduction chapter of the new story that's been plaguing my mind for months right now. Hope you'll enjoy it.  
_

_Warning: This will contain angst, shounen-ai and bad language (courtesy of Kanda). Also, some references from a certain movie (you'll be able to guess as the story unfolds). _

_Disclaimer:__ I own no D.Gray-man or its' characters._

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_0. Introduction_

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"Kanda?"

"…?"

"Have you ever thought about what would have happened if we have met under different circumstances?"

"Tch… Don't concern yourself with such trivial matters, Moyashi."

"…Kanda?"

"What?"

"I… love you."

"Shut up, idiot."

"But…"

"Shut. It… We're here."

"Here… Where?"

Allen lifted his head from Kandas' shoulder and looked around. There stood a small old hut, drenched by the heavy rain not less than them. Allen let out a short sigh and shuddered.

"I'm cold…" he whispered, receiving a scowl from the raven haired teen. Kanda gripped him tighter and hastened his pace towards the hut.

The inside looked even more run down than the outside, but at least the place was dry. There was no light except for the evening dimness coming from the barren windows, and Kanda had to move around cautiously in order to not trip on something that littered the dusty ground. Taking a few steps toward the middle of the old housing he spotted something comfier, a mat. An out of shape and dusty mat, but it was still better than the dirty concrete floor. He gave a short glance at Allen, who resumed hiding his tired face in the collar bone of the older exorcist, and put him down, sitting him on the mat. The white haired boy glanced around and then back at Kanda, reaching his hand towards the older. Kanda kept his scowl and sat down a few steps further away. Allen didn't move his hand away, but instead tried to reach for him, unsuccessfully.

"Lay down, Moyashi. You need to rest." The samurai glared at him, forcing his hand to stop reaching and fall to his side. But the boy smiled.

"I'll have the whole eternity to rest, Kanda." He said looking cheerfully at the older teen, yet his eyes seeped with sadness and hidden hurt.

"You're so warm, let me feel it one last time, I just…" he couldn't finish his sentence, because Kanda just launched himself towards the boy and grabbed him by the collar.

"Shut the fuck up." He whispered through gritted teeth, glaring straight in the eyes of the other, and let go of the collar, pushing him to lay down.

"You talk like you're frigging dieing, Moyashi. I'm not gonna fucking let you get away without finishing the damn mission, so cut the crap and rest now, or I'll make you." The Japanese growled, inching his face closer to the already laid down exorcist. Allen offered him a kind smile, a sincere and less faked than the one before.

"Let me think about it." He chuckled, making Kandas' glare darker.

"I'm serious, Moyashi." He growled and Allen wrapped his arm around the others' neck, locking them in a kiss. Kanda kissed back fiercely, pulling back as soon as Allen let out a muffled moan. The younger boy moved his head towards the other, expecting more, but Kanda gripped his chin in a firm hold and looked at Allens' face. He looked tired and unnaturally pale and his parted lips burned a little too much to be considered normal. His eyelashes fluttered and two twilight eyes looked back into the midnight blue ones. Kanda noticed that Allens' vision found it harder to concentrate and immediately let go of him as a slight pang of worry tugged at his heart. He took hold of the younger ones' coat and quickly unbuttoned it, took it off and put it aside. Then he did the same with his own and took out an old holey wool blanket from somewhere in the darkness around. Kanda put the wet coats further away and cowered Allen with the blanket.

"Sleep." That was the only thing the older of the two said, sitting down by the makeshift bedding.

"Can you lie beside me, please…? It's cold…" Allen pouted, though it was hardly visible. Kanda looked at him for a moment, then crawled in beside him and covered them both with the blanket. Allen clumsily wrapped his arms around the older teen and buried his face into the crook of his neck, sighing lightly. Kanda wrapped an arm around the boys' waist and held him protectively.

"Will you rest now?" The samurai whispered into the boys' ear. Allen nodded briefly and a few minutes later he fell asleep. Kanda sighed deeply and tried to fall asleep also. Allens' body heat was enough for them both, but he still shuddered from time to time, and it seemed to only get more frequent and worse as time passed by. Kanda kept a firm grasp on the boy as he shivered and murmured in his sleep- his fever was increasing. The samurai gritted his teeth and fought back the urge to hold his lover tighter, understanding that it might only worsen he kids' condition by cutting off the air supply. He placed a soft kiss on the youths' forehead and confirmed the obvious- Allen had caught the virus. Tirades of curses flowed through Kandas' mind, he felt hopeless. He wanted desperately to make Allen feel better, yet he had no such power. The virus had already killed so many, there was little to no possibility the boy would survive it. They both fought hard, but what was the meaning of it in the end, if victory only meant loss?

"I… love you too… Allen" the older teen whispered and for the first time in long years he began to pray.

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_Thanks for sparing some time to read this! Reviews are appreciated. _


	2. Setting the Pendulum

_Hello, dear readers._

_Firstly, I'd like to thank all the people who read the introductory part of the story and reviewed/alerted/favorited. I really appreciate it._

_Secondly, I have to apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I was planning to put this up a month ago, but I didn't really like the place where I stopped, thus I ended up making this chapter longer. Hope you'll enjoy it._

_Thirdly, I have no idea when I'll get round to write the next chapter, only that it will not happen any sooner than a month from now. Sorry about that._

_Warnings: Mild language (again, Kandas' fault) and Yullen._

_Disclaimer: D.Gray-man and its' characters are the property of Hoshino Katsura. My only possession is the idea (to some extent) and the minor character crew._

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1. Setting the Pendulum

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He didn't know how much time had passed- minutes or even hours. He only cared about the dissipating life of the boy in his arms, but, having well trained instincts of the battlefield, he did not fail to notice the presence of someone else in the hut. It started with the quiet sound of someone breathing, then slowly grew to quiet steps somewhere in a corner of the dark hut. By now it was already night time and, therefore, no light to clear up the view of the room. Kanda knew that well and didn't make any fast movements- instead, his hand left Allens' waist and slowly gripped Mugens' hilt. He got ready to attack if necessary, but stayed put waiting for the first move. It might have been some kind of animal, for all he knew, though that possibility was less than likely.

A minute later the audibility of the steps increased just slightly, as though the creature had taken a small step towards the two exorcists. It was careful not to leave the safety of shadows, but Kanda still could make out the dark outline of a human-like creature. Kanda decided he had waited long enough and, in a swift motion, stood up and pointed the tip of his katana at the intruder. The thing was closer than he originally thought and Mugen had scratched the skin of the person, making it freeze.

"Who are you?" Kanda growled scrutinizing the shadowed person under his gaze. It said nothing, but, instead, slightly rose its' hands to the sides and, less than a second later, the entire place lit up with dim candlelight. Kanda successfully suppressed his surprise and tightened the grip on his weapon. With the darkness being gone, everything in the hut became visible, including the unknown person. In front of him stood a woman, she was quite short and had long white hair, pulled in a loose bun. Her face and figure looked very old, around her eighties or more, and the torn coat that she wore only added to the long aged demeanor. Cold twilight eyes in the wrinkled face shone with surprise as the old woman stared at Kanda. Kanda shot a short glance at Allen, who slept unmoving on the mat. Around he spotted a table, two broken chairs, a cupboard and an old and ashen fireplace. Other than that, the place was only wooden walls, clayed floor and straw roof. The woman twitched the corners of her lips upward, offering the younger a smile, which only made him glare harder. The place that the tip of Mugen had scratched was her neck, and the little trail of blood that started there heavily lessened the possibility of her being an akuma. Kanda, however, didn't feel like taking chances.

"Answer me, woman." He growled louder, getting ready to pierce through her if necessary. The woman instead just placed her hand on the top of the blade and lowered it without much effort.

"Not your enemy, or else this beautiful weapon of yours' would have reacted differently." The woman answered and glanced at Allen, making Kanda stand in front of him in a protective manner. He was sure by now, she was not an akuma, but that didn't mean he would loosen up.

"What do you want?" The samurai spat out. The woman looked at him and took a step closer.

"What matters is, what _you _want, young exorcist." She replied and pointed at the sleeping boy.

"He contracted the "Black Ague," I see. Is to save this boys' life what you want?"

Kanda resumed his glare at the woman, even though her words made some unfamiliar feeling tug at his heart. Perhaps she could…

"How do you know all that? Stuff about my weapon, exorcists and his condition?"

The woman didn't flinch.

"I recognized you from the uniforms, and since you used the katana for protection, I figured it was your anti-akuma weapon. His condition is visible just by looking." She answered and turned towards the fireplace. Kandas' gaze followed her intensely. She stopped by the dark and ashen hearth and raised one hand. Fire sprung from the ashes immediately warming up the hut. She then turned around and looked at the exorcists.

"He's special to you, I can see." She smiled somewhat sadly. Kanda didn't answer to that.

"Just who are you really? And why do you care so much?" He said. She looked at the table and chairs, which were right next to the fireplace, and a second later the chairs began fixing themselves, until they were no longer broken. The woman took one and motioned for the samurai to take the other one. Kanda reluctantly sat down.

"I'm just a nobody, old witch that takes shelter in this place. And I do not care, but you do. And with that, perhaps I could help you." Her eyes glimmered in the fire light, but her face was completely grim and serious. Kanda didn't let that faze him.

"Help how? There's no medicine." It hurt to do it, but Kanda had to admit the fact. The currently sleeping and shuddering boy on the floor was dieing. The woman shook her head.

"My specialty is a little different. I myself can do nothing to help him, but you can, only if you care enough to do that."

"Explain."

"Firstly, I must ask, how far would you go to save the boys' life?" She inquired, casting her look at the fireplace. Kanda sent her an intense glare- hadn't she noticed it herself? He would give his own fucking life to save the bean sprout. However, admitting that in words seemed to be harder than just knowing it.

"All the way" was all he said.

"Very well, then, give me your hand and think of what you would have changed in the past if you could have."

Kanda looked at her outstretched hand and hesitated for a moment. Could he really trust this woman?

"What do you get from this?" He asked suspiciously. The woman smiled.

"A saved life, if you choose wisely." She replied. Kanda shot a glance at the younger exorcist and understood that he would never forgive himself if he lost this opportunity to save that hindrance of a partner. He placed his palm into the womans'.

_We should have never separated from the start of this mission. Not for a second._

--

The woman closed her eyes and suddenly, a bright light engulfed them both. Kanda shut his eyes tightly, feeling as if an unknown weight was descending on his head. Pictures started flowing through his mind, pictures from events that happened, and they all dissipated into nothingness before his eyes. His hand no longer clutched the tough and wrinkled hand of the woman, and his heart started beating twice as fast as it would normally. Suddenly it all ended and his feelings started to return. His bleary eyes fluttered open and were greeted by a bright light- way too bright to be anything else than sun. The sound of metal correlating reached his ears and his mind gradually became aware of the feeling of moving. Kanda blinked his eyes to clear up his view and gasped. In front of him stood none other than Allen, his face was merely a few inches away from Kandas', and his arms held a firm grasp on the shoulders of his partner. Kanda blinked, trying to comprehend if what he was seeing was real. It certainly felt real enough. The Allen before him stared into his dark eyes with his own, fear evident in them. He was pale and looked panicky, and the moist in his orbs warned of unshed tears.

"Mo-yashi?" Kanda breathed heavily, his heart still adjusting from that stampede from before. Allens' face shone with unfeigned relief and the tears escaped his eyes.

"Kanda! Oh, thank Lord! I-I… I was so scared! You were sitting here and su-suddenly you ju-just froze and became unresponsive! I-I tried shaking you, bu-but you wouldn't react, oh gosh, you weren't even breathing! A-And then y-you started bleeding, I thought you were dieing, I…" He was sobbing now and couldn't finish his sentence. Instead, the boy just buried his face into the swordsmans' chest, gripping fistfuls of his coat, and continued sobbing. Kanda was mildly shocked and didn't know what to do, therefore he didn't move. What had happened? How come he was here, with this Allen, and where had the sick boy go? What did that witch do?

Kanda opened his mouth to say something, but found no words. A bitter taste reached his lips and he understood just what Allen meant by saying he was bleeding. A warm tingly feeling ran down from his nose, over his lips and down his chin. A few red drops already stained the white hair of the exorcist, currently attached to him. One look at the trembling boy on his lap and he understood that "what," "how" and "why" did not matter. He was given an opportunity to change things, he was able to interfere with _that_ past and change _that_ future. The witch didn't lie, it was up to him and he would tolerate no obstacles towards his goal.

The corners of Kandas lips twitched upwards slightly and he ran his fingers slowly through Allens hair, spreading the red stains a little. The boy began to relax, but kept his face in the others' coat. Even though the wet coat wasn't the most comfortable thing, Allen felt safer when he could hear Kandas' heart beating, signaling that the stoic man wasn't going to leave him yet.

"I'm sorry, Kanda… Really." Allen whispered and pushed himself away a little, so he was still sitting on Kandas' lap but not leaning on him anymore. He was looking down, and damp bangs covered his eyes. Kanda raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why are you apologizing, Moyashi?"

"I cried all over your coat…"

"I bled all over your hair. We're even." Kanda smirked and Allen looked up at him, letting out a small giggle. Allen liked that smirk of Kandas', it was the closest to "smiling" he had ever seen on his face. The boys' shoulders slumped down, relaxing, but his eyes remained on his face.

"Are you sure you're alright now? You're not going to die… Right?" The younger exorcist asked quietly and somehow hopefully, offering the other a handkerchief. Kanda took it and wiped his face, leaving red stains all over the whiteness. He was glad the bleeding had stopped.

"Positive." The raven haired teen nodded.

"How can you be sure it won't happen again? What was it in the first place?" Allen didn't seem to back down just yet.

"I just know it. Quit worrying, I'm gonna be fine." Kanda replied, his tone allowing no further discussion on this topic. The other boy just stared at him for a while.

"You're such a bastard, telling me not to worry as if that's possible." The boy huffed indignantly, sending the other a hard look.

"Then make it possible." Kanda answered, fighting the stare with his own harsh look. Then he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the boys' lips, to which Allen replied by making it more intense. They parted a few seconds later.

"Just trust me." Kanda whispered into Allens' ear and he nodded slowly. If Kanda could be so sure, then he also had no reason to worry.

Allen shifted a little and made himself more comfortable on Kandas' lap, leaning his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around the taller ones' waist.

"What are you doing?" The raven haired teen asked.

"Can we stay like this? Hearing your heartbeat makes me relax." The boy whispered, tightening his grip a little. Kanda was not a person, who liked to show his affection openly, but that didn't mean Allen never hoped for it.

"Tch" was the only reply as Kanda wrapped his arms around the smaller figure. Allen smiled into his chest and slowly began to drift into a peaceful slumber.

Kanda shifted his look towards the window, outside of which the sun was shining brightly upon the plains and fields the train ran past. His lips twitched into a smile and his mind began to slowly move into the kingdom of Sandman.

--

"Yuu…" A creaky voice called, snapping the teen back into consciousness. He quickly glanced around, trying to find the source of the voice, his hand automatically reaching for Mugen.

"Where are you?" His voice was low and dangerous. Slowly, on the seat in front of him, a ghostly outline of a person appeared. It was the same old witch from before, only translucent. Kanda let loose his grip on Mugen and instead held Allen closer. The boy shifted in his sleep, but, other than that, showed no signs of waking up.

"Hello again. Try to be quiet if you don't want the boy on your lap to wake up. Though I'm not visible or audible to him, you are." She said, offering him a half smile.

"Why are you here? And how do you know my name?" Kanda whispered.

"I learned many things about you on your way here. I'm here for the further explanation. As you had found out already, you're back in time and, therefore, can change your future. You are, however, responsible for your choices and for the outcomes of those. I warn you: the destiny works by giving and taking. You can not have anything without giving something in return. In order to save this boys' life, you will have to sacrifice something of similar value. Because of that, Kanda Yuu, I advice you to choose wisely." The woman trailed off.

"Tch, I figured that out already. There was absolutely no need for you to come here and tell me that." Kanda retorted. Indeed, how could he not know that so called "rule", when he himself had been cursed with it. His lotus would always take a part of his life, every time he was injured. Because of that, he was not too happy.

"Yes, indeed. It would be pointless if that were all. However, assuming you made a mistake and lost the boy still, what do you intend to do?"

"I will not loose."

"Consider it a possibility."

"I. Will. Not. Loose." Kanda hissed through gritted teeth. The woman kept quiet for a minute or so, just staring at him.

"So foolish. Well, in case you _do_ loose, this isn't over as long as you do not say so. I started it and I'm willing to go with it till the end. Just so you know, if you start to regret, think about me. I might change that." She said and evaporated into the air. Kanda glared at the place she occupied a few moments prior and then looked back at Allen. He was still sleeping quietly. For his sake, he would not allow himself to make the smallest mistake.

--

A few hours later the train began slowing down. Kanda nudged the slumbering boy and Allen sleepily opened his eyes.

"Morning, Kanda." He grinned, noticing his partner. Kanda smirked.

"Hardly."

Allen blinked and looked around, noticing that the brightness outside the window had dimmed considerably. The sun was already setting down and they still had to find a place to spend the night. Kanda stood up, holding Allen by the waist so he wouldn't fall down, and then placed the boy to stand of the floor. Allen felt his cheeks flush a little.

"This is our stop. Get your things, Moyashi." Kanda said and reached for his luggage.

"It's Allen." The younger one mumbled tiredly and got his things.

Soon enough the train stopped and the boys got off, setting towards the town nearby. It was only a mile or so through the bamboo forest. They walked in silence as the place gradually became darker. Kanda noticed that every once in a while Allen would glance back and then resume walking.

"Feeling paranoid?" The swordsman asked teasingly when the boy once again turned back. Allen seemed to take no notice in the voice and instead just shook his head and smiled.

"No. The sunset just looks amazing." The boy replied. Kanda stopped to look at the horizon that was shadowed by the trees, and then looked back at Allen. It didn't look too interesting to him; he always liked the rising sun more, especially back in his home country. The rising of the sun in Japan was no less than breathtaking. He could still understand Allen, seeing as back in England the pollution partially dimmed the beauty of sunsets and dawns.

Allen looked up at him and smiled.

"Tch. You're so easy to fascinate." Kanda rolled his eyes, causing Allen to pout.

"At least I appreciate the beauty of this world."

"There are prettier things than that."

"Yeah? Like what?" Allen crossed his hands on his chest, suddenly getting defensive about his description of beauty. Kanda leaned in and kissed him fiercely, his hand snaking around the youngsters' waist. Allen was mildly surprised, but kissed back with equal force. His knees threatened to buckle and he let out a quiet moan as Kanda bit his lip a little. They parted soon after, both needing the air. Kanda leaned to Allens' ear and whispered.

"Guess I'll have to show you some time."

"Be sure to." Allen grinned and placed his palm into Kandas' as they resumed their walk towards the town.

As they reached the town, the sky had already turned darker and the first stars started to become visible. Kanda led the way through the place as if he knew perfectly well where to go, which surprised Allen. He decided to keep quiet though; a horrible sense of direction was only his forte, not Kandas', so he trusted the other. A few minutes later they reached a decent looking inn, for which Allen was grateful.

The inn keeper turned out to be a nice old man, who gave them lodging without so much as squinting.

"Dinner will be served in about half an hour." The man offered friendly. At the mention of food, a certain monster woke up and gave notice of his existence; a loud grumble erupted from Allens' stomach. The white haired youth blushed and chuckled awkwardly, to which Kanda simply raised an eyebrow, while the man laughed.

"Good to hear you're hungry; my wife is one of the best chefs around here! Oh, maybe there's anything particular you would like?" The man asked, smiling at his guests.

"… Soba." Kanda replied. The man nodded and looked at Allen.

"Doesn't matter… As long as there's a lot." He laughed a little, his cheeks slightly tinted pink. The man grinned and nodded, leaving for the kitchen, while Kanda turned for the room, successfully suppressing the sudden urge to ravish Allens' lips. The boy followed the older teen upstairs and they got into their room. It was not too big, but comfortable enough for the two of them and it also seemed welcoming. The walls were painted a soft shade of green, with sheets and curtains a matching color. Allen put his luggage on the floor and fell on the bed, sinking in a little.

"It's comfy." The boy said, looking at his older partner. Kanda nodded and placed his luggage on the bed, right next to Allen. He opened it and got out his golem, then placed the luggage in the drawer and headed for the door.

"I'm going to call Komui and inform him of our location. Don't wander off anywhere till I come back." He glanced at Allen and left. The boy just blinked and shrugged it off. He shifted his look at the ceiling and sighed deeply. Suddenly, something in his pocket began to move and a second later, Timcampy flew out.

"Hey, Tim." Allen smiled at the little golem, which flew circles around his head before landing in his hair. The boy continued staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.

"Tim, did you notice anything strange about Kanda today?" The exorcist inquired, not really expecting an answer. Tim didn't move. Allen sighed again and began spilling his thoughts out.

"From the start of this mission, all this week on all those trains, he avoided looking at me, talking to me or touching me. I hadn't expected him to, I mean, it's a mission and he's never too personal at work. It unnerves me really; he becomes indifferent to me as if I was nothing more than another exorcist. But perhaps I shouldn't complain, he just wants me safe, right? Besides, he was never a big fan of demonstrating affection publicly. Today, though… After _that_ he shred that barrier and became feeling… He must have thought I'm really weak, to break down in front of him like that. I didn't mean to react so strongly, but I could not help it, especially after I learned of his life span… I thought he would be disgusted by me… Yet he changed. Were my tears that thing which made him change, or maybe that… _seizure_? Ahh, he even didn't mind us holding hands! And all the way he seemed completely off guard and his mind seemed to wander someplace elsewhere. At times it almost seemed as he was actually _trying_ to be nice to me! Tim, am I going insane or is Kanda?" He finished his little monologue and turned to the golden golem. Tim spurred its' wings and opened up its' mouth, from which a video appeared.

_Kanda was sitting quietly __in his seat and staring out the window, when suddenly he just froze in place and stopped all his moving- even the steady heaving of his chest. His pupils dilated and his eyes became completely blank. It happened so fast that Allen, who was looking at him every once in a while, didn't have time to react. The boys' eyes widened in fear and a sharp startled cry erupted from his mouth before jumping up and grabbing the samurai by his shoulders. _

"_Kanda! What's wrong?! Kanda!" He shook the older exorcist, not knowing what else to do. When Kanda didn't respond in any way, Allen placed two fingers and his neck to check for pulse and placed his ear to his chest to hear the heartbeat. Both of them weren't there. That replaced the fear with panic, as Allens' fingers dug into the shoulders of the other and he yelled out._

"_Kanda! Please, I beg you, snap out of it! Don't you dare die, you fucking bastard! Please, Kanda!" His eyes watered and the sinking feeling in his heart made it harder to breathe. Kandas' eyes slowly closed and his body became limp in Allens arms. The boy just stood, unable to move, his eyes still shone with panic and didn't leave the other. He noticed a trail of blood dripping from his nose and that's when his chest began moving up and down again, although really fast. The midnight blue eyes slowly opened and took a little while to adjust. _

"_Mo-yashi?" His voice seemed strained, but it evidently sent a feeling of relief through the boy and forced the unshed tears out. _

At this Allen looked away, silently experiencing the fear for his partner again. Timcampy fast forwarded to some other scene, where Allen laid huddled into Kandas' chest and the other seemed to be dozing off. Allen sighed.

"I don't understand what you mean by this, Tim." The boy sighed but looked at it anyways. A small smile appeared on his lips. However, it didn't last long.

_The two of them sat there quietly; one being asleep and the other prepared to follow. Suddenly Kanda jerked up slightly and looked around, fully awake and glaring. His hand reached for his weapon. _

"_Where are you?" He growled at nothing in particular. Then his look fixed on the seat before him and he obviously decided against using Mugen and gripped Allen tighter, which caused the boy to shift a little. _

"_Why are you here? And how do you know my name?" The samurai whispered a few seconds later, still looking at that spot. _

Allen seemed baffled and scared. Just who was Kanda talking to? There seemed to be no one in their compartment. Or was there? The only sounds were coming from Kanda, but it looked like parts of a conversation. Allen began to wonder just what had Kanda been doing back then and why didn't he wake him. His mind wandered from the Noah to some inner voices or even sleep talking, though the last one was the least likely. Timcampy didn't stop.

_A half of minute or so has passed and Kanda remained staring at that spot intensely. Then he suddenly spoke._

"_Tch, I figured that out already. There was absolutely no need for you to come here and tell me that." His voice was edgy. Then his glare intensified. _

"_I will not loose."_

_And_

"_I will not loose." He said through gritted teeth, emphasizing every word the second time. Kanda continued scrutinizing the seat under his gaze for a few more moments, before his facial features softened and he looked at Allen. _

Tim closed his mouth and Allen jumped up.

"What was that? Did you see anyone in there, Tim? What did he mean by not loosing? Loosing what?" The boy let out a dozen of questions a minute and Tim could do nothing more than flap his wings in a shrugging manner. Allen rubbed his chin in deep thought and then his stomach rumbled again, making him wince a little.

Kanda had told him not to worry, but Allen just couldn't force himself to. There was something strange going on, which Kanda had kept away from Allen. He felt somewhat hurt by the fact, but settled with the thought that there had to been one hella good reason to Kanda for not telling. He decided to try and find it out. After all, he loved the swordsman and wanted to help him in any way possible.

--

Kanda walked down the stairs and asked for a phone, to which he was led. He wasn't sure if the call was late or early, having in mind the time difference between London and China, but Kanda was not one to care. People in the science division were powered by coffee and hardly ever slept anyways.

He connected his golem in and waited for the transmission. Quickly enough someone on the other side answered.

"Reever Wenham here. Who's speaking?" The audibly tired voice answered from the other end of the line.

"Kanda." Came the reply.

"Oh, hello. How's your mission going?"

"Me and Walker just got here, we're staying at an inn and will be going to investigate the contaminated town in the morning."

"Ok, I'll report that to Komui as soon as I can. Be careful and don't forget the masks."

"They're useless." Kanda growled and quickly shut up. He wasn't supposed to know that _yet_.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Reever asked confused.

"… The reminders. I know how to take care of myself." Kanda growled, making it up quickly.

"Very well, then. Take care." Reever shrugged it off. Kanda "Hn'ed" and put the phone down.

_Fuck, you idiot! I need to win and mistakes are not allowed. Not even slip ups like this. _

--

Kanda came back to the room positively annoyed and trying to suppress that feeling, which in the end only unnerved him more. As soon as he entered through the door, Allen jumped up from the bed and looked at him in question. Kanda decided to ignore it for fear of snapping something that would hurt or anger the other. He just walked towards the window and looked out, trying to gather his thoughts. Allens' gaze followed him all the way and the boy scowled a little, though more in worry than anger. He got off the bed and slowly approached the other, wrapping his arms around the others' torso from behind.

"Are you alright, Kanda? Did Komui say anything bad?" Allen asked innocently, gazing up at the other. Kanda didn't respond to his touch nor did he turn around. He just simply shook his head.

"I'm fine. Reever just told us to take care." He replied coldly.

"Then what's wrong? You seem annoyed." Allen didn't back off. Kanda glanced at him, an unmasked part of his temper flaring.

"I said I'm fine. Why don't you leave it at that?"

Allen frowned at the answer and looked away, slowly unwrapping his arms. Kanda cursed in his mind at his own lack of forbearance, but didn't do anything on the outside. Allen moved to his side and sat on the windowsill, so he could see the others' face. Silence passed between the two, with Allen just simply looking out the window, while Kandas' mind alleged him that he had no reason to worry- his Allen was with him now and he had to appreciate the fact. Slowly, but surely, Kandas' annoyance subsided to the point where he just felt the usual daily irritation, directed towards the world. Allen didn't look at him still, but his lips showed a little smile, which made Kanda wonder just what he was thinking about.

"People say that persons' eyes are the windows of his soul. When I was younger, I remember wondering, did that mean the blind people had crippled souls?" Allen began quietly, riveting Kandas' already fixed look on him.

"Later, I learned that the soul of a person is not a thing one could perceive by just looking. Someone might say people had no rights to be treated equally if they were disabled or just of a different race, but does that mean their souls are worse? Being cursed with the ability to see the souls of the akuma had taught me that, indeed, all souls are the same- engulfed in the same sorrow. It's different with people, for I can't see their souls. But a soul is not a thing that should be seen in the first place. It's a thing that should be felt. Because of that, when people see the ways we are, they cannot judge our souls. They can not understand until they begin to feel it." At this, the boy stopped for a while and looked at the samurai, offering him a smile. Their gazes locked and Allen continued.

"Kanda, what people see in us is not what we are. We are what we believe ourselves to be. Most people, looking at your stoic demeanor, would immediately assume you were cold and heartless. But I know better than that, because I learned to _feel_ instead of _looking_. You try not to show it sometimes, but I can sense the feelings inside you. It's pointless to hide yourself and take it alone, Kanda. If you're worried, angry, in pain or even if everything's good, I want you to share it with me. I want to share my life with you and I want you to do the same. I trust you. Could you, please, trust me too?" Allen finished with a question, maintaining his gaze on Kanda. The samurai just stared at him for a while, until his lips twitched into a small smile. The anger from before seemed to have disappeared.

"You made all that speech just to ask me one question? What a waste." Kanda smirked and took a small step towards the younger boy, minifying the distance between them. Allen sent him a glare that looked almost cute on his innocent face.

"Well sorry for trying to make you feel better, you ingrate." He growled, turning away from Kanda, seemingly offended. Kanda leaned in to the boys' ear and placed his palm on the windowsill for support.

"What do you want me to do? I was honest. Should I apologize for that?" His voice sounded somewhat seductive and Allen felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine. He turned at the other, still glaring, but because of the little distance their noses touched.

"No. You could just tell me what is it that makes you so uneasy? I can feel it, your fear. What are you afraid of?" Allen whispered in what he hoped to be harsh tone. Kanda frowned a little and backed away, standing tall before him and just staring.

"I am _not_ afraid of anything." He said sternly.

"We both know that's a lie, Kanda. All you have to do now is admit it." Allen replied with equal stubbornness. Kanda quickly grabbed the collar of the boys' shirt and moved his face closer.

"There's nothing to admit." The samurai hissed.

"Kanda, it hurts…" Allen whispered, causing the other to let go of him immediately and his face expression to take a turn from cross to a bewildered one. Allen stared up at him, his face expressionless.

"S-sorry…" Kanda stumbled over his words, looking somewhat guilty. Allen didn't answer, just looked away. Silence stood between them for a few moments, until Kanda sat on the other side of the windowsill, facing his partner.

"The truth is, I really have no fears, not even that of the death. The only thing that scares me is losing you. I don't want to lose you, not now, not ever. I'd rather die than let that happen." Kanda was never good at expressing his feelings in words, nor was he ever any good at expressing his feelings in general. Even now, his face was more or less expressionless and his voice seemed far from sensitive. Allen turned to look at him and offered a small smile.

"You don't have to worry about that, I do not plan on leaving you any time soon."

"You better make it a promise." Kanda replied and Allen chuckled.

"Promise!" He chirped and stretched his arm towards the other, extending his pinky finger. Kanda looked at it for a second, before an evil smirk appeared on his lips. Before Allen could sense trouble, Kanda quickly grabbed his wrist and pulled it. Allens' eyes widened slightly from the surprise and he let out a short yelp, before falling into Kandas' chest. The swordsman pulled the boy into his lap and kissed his forehead.

"I trust you with that." Kanda whispered into his ear, this time seriously. Allens' face twisted into a happy smile, before he wrapped his hands around the others' neck and locked their lips into a kiss. Kanda grinned inwardly and picked his Moyashi up in his arms, slowly moving for the bed. When his knees hit that certain piece of furniture, he gently laid the boy down, without breaking their tongues tug-of-war. They parted when the need for air became too strong to be ignored, both panting. Kanda began placing kisses down Allens' neck and up to his collar bone as far as he could reach, making the other gasp and circle his arms around the olders' back, caressing it softly.

"Kanda; the last to talk but the first to act." Allen chuckled lightly, making Kanda stop and look at him.

"You do not seem to mind though, Moyashi." He whispered, running his fingers slowly through that soft white hair. Allen grinned and shook his head 'no'.

Then, all of a sudden, a loud rumbling noise echoed through the room, completely destroying the mood. Kanda raised an eyebrow while Allens' cheeks turned scarlet.

"Looks like something else minds for you." Kanda let out an annoyed sigh and gently kissed the boys' Adams' apple before getting up and off the bed. Allen laughed uncomfortably.

"Comes with being a parasite." Allen joked and got up from the bed also.

"We'll have to satisfy that monsters' urges before starting with ours, won't we?" Kanda smirked, going for the door. The half an hour should have passed by now. Allen nodded and followed the other out.

--

The little dining room was rather cozy and bright, which made Allen want to smile. However, the thing that _did_ make him smile was the dark rectangular table hoisting quite a few bowls and plates filled with various, salivation inducing dishes. Allens' grin split from ear to ear as he sat down at the table and was about to help himself, until Kanda spanked his reaching arm with his spoon.

"You have no manners whatsoever, Moyashi." Kanda frowned and Allen huffed a little, rubbing the place on his hand where the spoon had hit him.

"My stomach doesn't accept 'manners' as an excuse for not feeding it, baKanda."

Before Kanda could bark a retort to the misuse of his name, they were interrupted by the creak of the kitchen door opening. In the doorway stood an old lady, she was holding a small steaming kettle. As soon as she saw the two exorcists, her kind face broke into a bright smile.

"Hello, you must be the two guests that my husband told me about." She greeted as she approached the table. Allen stood up to give the lady a polite greeting as well, but she just waved him away and motioned for him to sit back down. He complied.

"That's a relief, I was about to ask him to get you two. Can't let the food go stale while waiting, can we?" She continued smiling as she filled their cups with tea and sat down across the table. Allen returned the smile with his own sweet one, while Kandas' face only showed indifference.

"My my, it's not often as of late that we receive guests. In fact, you are the only ones staying here now. I sort of miss the busy days, but I guess there's no helping it. It's still better than absolutely none I suppose. Oh, right, my husband should join us any minute now."

She took a sip of her tea, her smile never vanishing. Allen nodded thinking that the woman seemed to be a nice chatty person. Silently, he hoped that her cooking skills were as good as her socializing ones. Kanda looked as though he couldn't care less.

Allen caught his own gaze turning from the kind woman to the food. He reached for his cup of tea and took a small sip, hoping to somehow calm his stomach while waiting. The reaction was immediate. A loud growling sound echoed through the room, more aggrieved than before. Allen slowly put down his cup, his face turning beet red, and apologized quietly. Kanda couldn't help the small amused smirk that crept on his face. The woman seemed surprised for a few moments before she let out a quiet laugh.

"I'll take that as a compliment for my cooking. Well, help yourself, boy." She said after stifling her laugh. At that moment the door opened and the inn keeper came in. He smiled at his guests and sat down next to his lady.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." He apologized as Allen suppressed his slight discomfort and relief from showing. Minutes later they all indulged themselves in the pleasure known as food.

The woman was fairly surprised when she saw the scrawny white haired boy eat as much as five grown men, but offered him more and seemed to be delighted by his compliments.

"So, for what reason did the two of you come all the way to here?"

The woman started a small conversation once the small amount of lingering silence, only filled with the sounds of quiet munching, had irked her. Kanda did not show any wish to answer, so the younger exorcist gulped down his bite and smiled. Before he could answer though, the woman cut in.

"Your friend here." She glanced at the Japanese exorcist before looking back to Allen. "Does not look too different from the people here, though my experienced eyes say he's definitely not Chinese. Korean or Japanese maybe? As for you…"

Her voice died down a little before continuing. Kanda felt a little annoyed that the woman talked about him as though he was not there, but that did not show in his appearance. The woman must have thought he was lost in his own little world or something, seeing as he felt no obligation to speak.

"It's more than obvious you're European, though, I must say, your features are more… _Exotic_ than those of any other European I have met."

Kanda would have choked at the mention of 'exotic', had he not heard that expression from the woman before. Allen, apparently caught off guard, shuddered, widened his eyes a little and a slight rosy blush adorned his cheeks. Judging from his reaction, Kanda figured Allen had been called 'exotic' before. **(1)** However, he did not spare him a glance as the younger boy slightly stuttered.

"W-well, I… Um… We came here to find the cause of the deadly disease, plaguing the nearby area." Allen answered, his ever so sweet smile finding its' place back on the boys' face.

Both the inn keeper ad his wife seemed to have tensed, but the quiet man quickly resumed eating. The smile that temporarily vanished from the womans' face soon came back, however, it seemed a little more forced than before.

"Well then, be careful." She replied. The younger exorcist figured that they did not like to talk about it, seeing as how they were in a potential danger as well. Kanda glanced at the two and then at Allen, looking at his load of food and back at him, as if suggesting to get back to stuffing his stomach. Allen caught the glance and a little uncomfortably resumed eating his share. Soon enough the smiles of the couple in front of the exorcists returned and the conversation continued with insignificant things like weather or how the guests liked the country. Allen answered politely and carefully not to come round to the unwelcome subject again.

All went well, but as the dinner proceeded the young exorcist started noticing something strange. He couldn't exactly put his finger on it, but the seemingly nice old couple gave him a feeling of emptiness. Like something vital was missing, something that was supposed to fill that void. The boy decided to not ponder on that, blaming it on his tiredness.

However, as he thought that, a piece of the rooms' décor caught his attention. Hs eyes spotted a picture hanging on the wall that showed three people: the inn owners and a younger dark haired woman. He raised an eyebrow in curiosity and opened his mouth to inquire.

"That's a nice pic— Ah!"

He never got to finish his sentence, because Kanda, who remained more or less quiet until then, roughly slammed his booted foot into Allens' shin underneath the table. Allen glared at his partner and opened his mouth to protest, gently rubbing the aching spot, but the look on Kandas' face told him to keep quiet for his own good. Allen blinked at him for a few seconds and didn't say anything, just turned to finish the remains of food on his plate. The couple looked at him strangely for a second, but then shrugged it off. The dinner finished in silence and soon after that the two exorcists excused themselves and went to their room to rest.

--

Kanda closed the door behind them as soon as they were both in their semi-lit room. He walked over to Allen, who stood a few steps away looking at him sternly. Kanda made a move to wrap his arms around him, but Allen swiftly moved away. The samurai frowned.

"What is it now, Moyashi?" He asked somewhat displeased. Allens' stern look turned into a full scowl as he crossed his arms on his chest.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Kanda? Firstly you're all secretive and physically rude down there and now you ask '_what is it now_'? Why don't _you_ tell me?" Allen continued scowling at him. Kanda stared at him for a few more moments before he let out a quiet groan and went to sit on the bed. Allen followed him with his gaze, though he remained in his place unmoving.

"… In that picture was their daughter, she was a doctor until she caught the virus herself. They're very sensitive about that topic."

Allens' look subsided noticeably.

"… How come you know that?" The younger boy asked. Kanda kept quiet for a few moments.

"I spoke to the inn keeper when I went to phone the headquarters."

Allen nodded in understanding and went to sit beside Kanda. He suddenly realized what the missing thing was. That was the happiness and sincerity behind those smiles. They were insensate.

"I see now…" Allen began.

"They seemed so nice and content I almost missed it. I believed it. I see they believe that too… As long as they smile, they cannot cry. They can go on and try to be happy again…"

"That's their way to maintain their sanity." Kanda stated blankly and Allen turned to look at him, their gazes locking. Allen smiled.

"Thanks, I guess…For stopping me from hurting someone due to my lack of information."

"Say that tomorrow, when there will be a reason."**(2)** Kanda replied. Allens' look turned into a quizzical one, but he decided not to ask. The tiny smirk on Kandas' face told him that he wouldn't get an answer anyway. Allen rubbed his shin a little. Kanda looked at the motion and ran his slender fingers across it, surprising the younger boy a little.

"… You know, you didn't have to kick me back then. It _did_ hurt. Next time a thing like that happens, please try to come up with something… I don't know... Some gentler action to get my attention."

Kanda raised an eyebrow at the boy, his face twisting into an amused smirk. Allen gasped when he felt a hand traveling from his knee and up to his inner thighs. He looked down and back at Kanda, who leaned closer and whispered huskily.

"Would that catch your attention better?"

"… Definitely." Allen replied and ran his hand across Kandas' long hair. Kanda cupped his chin and licked the corner of his lips, to which Allen shuddered slightly and wrapped his hands around the others' neck, pulling him into a kiss. Kanda kissed back gaining entrance into his partners' mouth, still tasting the sweetness of dessert on his lips. Allen let out a shaky moan and arched his back as Kandas' fingers, still kept on his thigh, started to move slowly. Kanda pulled back and pushed the younger boy on the bed, crawling up on top of him. Allen looked into the eyes of his partner, blue haze scarcely visible due to the lack of decent light. He slowly ran his fingers across his lovers' face, feeling his smooth skin until one of his hands snaked up and pulled his ponytail loose. A cascade of glimmering black hair flowed down the samurais' shoulders, tickling his face a little. Kanda, who was slowly unbuttoning his lovers' coat, stopped and stared as soon as he heard Allen giggle. The swordsman smirked seductively and snaked his hand under Allens' shirt, feeling immediate goose bumps appearing on the hot skin. Kanda proceeded to get rid of the boys' coat and shirt, starting to kiss his neck and down his chest as soon as more naked skin became available. Allens' breathing intensified as he slowly worked his hands to unbutton Kandas' coat and shirt.

"Mhm… Kanda…" Allen moaned and arched his back for more touch. Kanda bit him, making him gasp.

"Don't hurry me, Moyashi." He whispered and nipped at the boys' nipple. Allen bit his lip and shuddered.

"You're being difficult." The white haired teen moaned.

"And you're being impatient." Kanda responded. Allen ran his fingers across Kandas' chest and grinned, before pulling him into a kiss. Kandas' fingers slowly danced down to his partners' abdomen as their tongues fought for dominance. Soon enough Kanda won the battle, but as he did that, he froze. He stopped his hands from caressing and his mouth from moving. Allen opened his eyes to catch the reason of the sudden change and instead only caught the gaze the samurai was giving him. He could catch hints of surprise, worry and slight horror in those dark orbs. Slowly Kanda pulled away, their gazes still locked.

"Kanda?" Allen whispered quietly. The other did not respond, just continued looking at him with questioning and slightly worried look.

"Are you ok, Kanda?" Allen repeated, his right hand brushing away the hair that fell to his lovers' face.

"This… Wasn't supposed to be here…" Kanda mumbled under his breath, which left Allen even more confused.

"Huh? What do you mean?" He asked. Kanda quickly sat up and shook his head.

"It's nothing, forget it." Was what he said. Allen perched himself on his elbows and frowned.

"Again with the nothing?"

Kanda frowned back before looking away.

"I just felt like there was something that wasn't there before." He ran his hand across his hair.

"Could you explain?"

Silence.

"Please Kanda, you're making me worry."

"It's a dream I had. Nothing serious…"

Allen nodded understandingly. He himself often encountered strange dreams. The white haired teen decided to change the topic. He moved closer to Kanda and kissed him on the cheek.

"Feeling better now?" Allen asked. Kanda slowly nodded. Allen smiled.

"Good."

The younger boy took off his coat, shirt, boots and pants and crawled under the covers. Kanda carefully followed him with his gaze until Allen patted the blankets beside him. Kanda slowly removed his clothes and followed the younger to the bed. Allen smiled and kissed his chin.

"Don't worry about that, I understand. We're both tired, let's sleep?"

Kanda nodded, he felt sort of thankful to Allen and wrapped his arms around the smaller figure. Allen returned the gesture and hid his face in the others' hair. Kanda laid awake and stared at the ceiling. The urge to come into closer bodily contact with the younger boy still remained, but Kanda would not give in to it. Putting slight fear aside, he reasoned that being sore tomorrow would complicate their mission.

However, that was not the main issue on his mind. In order to prevent Allen from knowing the truth, he had lied to him quite a few times that day. Sure, he had no qualms about lying, but lying to Allen of all people was different. He could justify that though, so it didn't prod his guilt much.

He could still feel the different taste on his lips. The taste of something, that should not have been there, still lingered in his mouth. Allen was beside him alive and well, already sleeping quietly. He was well too. But then, if everything was fine, why could he taste blood when he kissed the boy?

--

**(1)** Taking into account the years Allen spent with Cross and endured his womanizing habits, as well as the fact that Allen has white hair and an unusual scar, I dare to assume that he might have been called _exotic_ by some Cross-crazed lady before. At least I would use that word on him.

**(2)** Just something to take notice of, for it will be explained in the following chapters.

--

_Thank you for your time. Reviews are more than welcome._


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